It is really important in relationships that you keep your feet in reality.
That’s not to be a killjoy; that’s so that you enjoy a real relationship but are also aware of when things have shifted significantly enough for you to sanity check your decision to be with the other party.
UPDATED June 17th, 2017 We all know the types: the ladies’ man, the mama’s boy, the commitaphobe, and the nice guy who just wants to be friends (to name a few).
Adding to the non-candidates for adulthood is the man-child.
The very emotionally mature Yashar Ali writes: “ At some point, shouldn’t a grown man be doing instead of just trying on the basic gestures all of us should be expected to make in a healthy relationship? If the man in your life is only an adult by name, and if any of the examples below sound familiar, maybe it’s time to rethink things… Inappropriate Behavior A mature man is someone you don’t really have to worry about, whereas the man-child can be embarrassing. Whether they stay front and center by being charming or nasty often doesn’t matter to them. They say, “You simply don’t understand how important it is that my needs, wishes, desires, and demands come first. You want a partnership where there is both reciprocity and mutuality. Your best next step is to get Hijackal Help to learn how to express and maintain boundaries and create a healthier relationship, one that is not crazy-making for you! These folks place a supreme and extreme priority on their own desires, thoughts, beliefs, and wishes, and they demand that you follow suit. Surely you have nothing more pressing to do than make them happy, meet their demands, or live up to their expectations. When you want to be heard or seen, you are accused of being unreasonable and taking their light. Sad, really, that they have such a need and craving for homage and adoration. But, it doesn’t mean that you condone or enable it, either. When your partner is this needy, it’s downright frustrating, annoying, and crazy-making. Turn it away or off, and things quickly become churlish, manipulative, and even nasty. When you recognize that your partner is more than selfish, you acknowledge a bigger issue: you need help to successful navigate through this difficult territory. You give them what they want, only to find that they want more. There is little if any equity in your relationship with them. It’s unbelievable to him or her that you cannot grasp the reality that s/he really is the most important person in the Universe, and especially in If you’re with a partner like this, you’re wise to recognize that you can’t fix your relationship alone. Oh, yes, she can be charming, alluring, and magnetic. But, only as long as the spotlight is shining in their direction.
A Hijackal partner is shocked, upset, and unforgiving when not always “Queen or King For a Day,” every day. When your partner behaves from these seven beliefs, s/he is a Hijackal.
When I’ve been in ‘relationships’ with lazy or reluctant team mates, it’s been comparable to trying to cycle a tandem bike on my own with the ‘team’ mate on it, with a flat tyre… Many people assume that if they do the work of both parties in the relationship and love unconditionally without boundaries, that somehow they’ll reap the reward at some point in some sort of ‘cup runneth over and reciprocates eventually’ sort of fantasy.